11 Crazy ways I know I'm doing it right!

I have read so many blogs lately titled "10 Things"... to say to your kid, to build your child's confidence, to do instead of yelling, to say I love you to your kids... etc etc etc. I love my kids. I adore them to itty bitty pieces. AND THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY! More people should talk about how their kids make them crazy and how as parents we occasionally, or often, make mistakes. Even in those mistakes our children are loved, adored, happy, confident and feel complete in our family. So for your pleasure, and with pictures included I give you:

11 crazy ways I know I'm DOING IT RIGHT!

1- When they are sick we take care of them. Even when we clean up their blue puke from the ice cream and we dry heave, eyes watering and we hate every second of it. Even when they ask for a wet towel that will likely be shoved behind the couch and mold before we remember it's there.

You're doing it right if you do whatever it takes to make them feel better.

2- I'm doing it right... when I get to the doctor after days of "should we go? Should we go now?" He's been laying around, with a fever, that cough is worse... then we get to the clinic and it's all energy and smiles.  

If your kid goes crazy at the doctor making you look like a liar, YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT!

 

3- When my boys express themselves in a way that makes them confident and comfortable I'm doing it right. Yep my boys wear cheetah/zebra sleep masks. One of them went through a phase where he wanted to be just like his big sister so he wore only pink rain boots with hearts. Both my boys have gone through a phase where the only thing they wore out of the house to the farmers market and grocery store were old Halloween costumes. I have ran errands with an alligator, pirate, Batman, knight, Spiderman and did I mention alligator? 

You're doing it right if your babies wear some cray cray shiz and you know it's just a phase. 

(Note in the picture below, Little one went through a phase where he wore one motorcycle glove Michael Jackson style)

 

4- You're doing it right if you teach your kids all the best moves. Running man, roger rabbit, raise the roof & clicky heals. Straight up you've been served on South Park style. It's fun. And it embarrasses the hell out of them. Which is even more proof you're doing it right.

 

5- You go to the library and check out the books they want to read. Sometimes it's a book on worms (ask me anything about worms, I can tell you), sometimes it's the same dam book you've read a hundred thousand times (if I have to read "Butter Battle Book" one more time) and sometimes it's a Bieber Fever book. 

Oh... And you always return them late meaning your kids library card generally has a minimum fine amount of $12. 

If you're kid has a constant fine due at the library and they don't even drive, 

YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT!

 

6-  You're doing it right if Your kids duke it out in public, And now instead of breaking it up, you take pictures first. Because one of them is in his pajamas in public too. And that's my life right there. 

7- You're doing it right when your kid writes out his first two words without asking for help.  

Even though they aren't the words you would choose, who am I kidding I love that he picked "boob" & "poop",  you take a picture and blast it on the social networking site of your choice. 

You do this because "OMG! He did it on his own!" And that in itself is a miracle. 

     

8- You're doing it right if you do whatever it takes to  get your kids on the bus with a smile. Including circus tricks, sweet dance moves, opera singing, gangsta rap & setting up the over sized stuffed animal in the window. It feels creepy and looks creepy but its what worked. This time. 

 

8- You're doing it right if when a skunk invades camp & you make your 16 year old get rid of it so you can snap pics of your sweet little mama's boys after they jumped on the table. 

They thought it was a bear. 

 

9- You're doing it right if you break the rules once in a while. It doesn't seem fair that everyone else gets to ride the water slide just because they can swim. So you wait at the bottom of the slide and sneakily keep the little from drowning at the bottom. 

9- You're doing it right if you've counted out 100 items , countless times for the 100th day of school. And you loathe it. It's exhausting and annoying and you still do it the 5th time around.

 

10- You're doing it right if  countless hours you can never get back 

have been spent at the giant mouse of chaos. 

At some point you realize this means 5 minutes to yourself. And shortly after the 15th meltdown you begin to realize you just spent $50 for a 10 cent prize and a headache. So the 5 minutes is no longer worth it. AND YOU KEEP COMING BACK!

 

11- You're doing it right if you do everything you can to bring them joy. Even though ten minutes after this picture was taken there was screaming, yelling and tears... And that was just from me, the moments of peace and joy is what we live for. Batman, banana boy and their 3 sisters are worth every bit of it. Usually. But that's why most of us parents are getting therapy. 

 

 I promise you you're making mistakes. I also promise, and I've said this before, the thing you think you're doing to screw up your kids is not the thing that's screwing them up. We don't actually know what that thing is until they are in their 20's and lay it all out like a cold hard truth. My mom always thought it was her lack of patience with me as a single mom but it was actually the fact that she made me clean my bathroom . The nerve. You got this moms and dads. YOU GOT THIS!

Why I told the world my dirty little secret...

There was a time not so long ago that I was a very secretive person. I know, me secretive? CRAZY RIGHT?! Not necessarily about everything but about some very important things. In October I decided to share my secrets with some people who are very close to me and who love me very much. Then in November I decided to share a little bit with the world, well Facebook. I let the world know that I was in fact an addict and was seeking recovery.

Because it was so secretive and I worked so hard to keep it that way for way too long it was confusing and difficult for some people to understand. I have heard that I made some people question their own decisions because from what they could tell, we shared the same patterns and hobbies at what appeared to be the same frequency. Some people have even flat out told me that I'm not an alcoholic/addict which is interesting for a multitude of reasons.

There are many details of my life and addiction that I'm not willing to discuss. I'm just over four months into this new life and the tell all book will take a few more years to come out, IF EVER. But there are a few key components I want to share with you because as I have learned in this process, I AM NOT ALONE. And if I'm not alone in my feelings and in my recovery, then I also couldn't be the only secret addict out there RIGHT? Here are three reasons I told my secret. 

1- I was scared. Scared of where I was, scared of what you would think, scared to quit & scared to keep going. I assumed the worst would happen. Whatever you're thinking is the worst ... I magnified it by 1000. But one quote that has forever stuck with me that got me thru those private conversations with my loved ones and into that first meeting & when I "came out" on Facebook... "Secrets lose their powers once told"- Mya Angelou. 

I did lose friends. I left friends. And a lot of people were disappointed in me. But here I am 4 months later showing myself I can do this just for today. And all those things I was terrified of weren't nearly as difficult as if I had kept going. 

2- There is no greater power than one addict helping another. Period. No matter your drug of choice: alcohol, heroine, pills, meth... I can hear it. Because our journey may be different, our experiences may seem worlds apart, our stories may be on a different timeline BUT I have felt the feelings of shame, fear and guilt. I have been to my bottom. And even if our bottoms look different (literally and figuratively), it feels similar. Overwhelming with darkness and fear. Darkness and fear is a recipe for disaster for the still suffering addict. The bravest thing you can do is ask for help. One of the best things I have heard in a meeting is "try it for at least 30 days and if you don't like it we can refund your misery".Genious. 

If you are here and you don't know what to do next, ask. I did just exactly that. I reached out to someone open about their recovery and asked what to do. Rarely do I talk to this person and still I think they may have helped save my joy in life. Maybe even my life. 

3- I need support. I need to be encouraged. I need the high five when I accomplish something. It's a human need that many of us have. I know it's confusing because I hid so much of my addiction from the world. I was functioning in an amazing job with a lot of friends, and an incredible family who I have a ton of gratitude for when I dropped the "I have a problem" conversation on. Please don't feel obligated to encourage me just know that when I tell the world about an accomplishment it's not to seek attention it's to seek encouragement. 

Finally I want to share the following little video that I'd encourage you to watch if you have just a few minutes. Even the first few minutes are amazing. It may change your outlook and it may just change your life. 

http://www.ted.com/talks/ash_beckham_we_re_all_hiding_something_let_s_find_the_courage_to_open_up

I have so much Gratitude for all the people who are accepting, encouraging and supporting me. Thank you for reading this blog. Starting a blog was on my bucket list for years, and it took getting sober to also get courageous enough to finally do it. I guess telling the world you're secret will do that. ;) 

How Womens Studies Changed My Life

In honor of Women's Day 2014 I've decided to swallow my pride and admit I was wrong. That's pretty big stuff for me. I'm on a campaign of being right in my life and so me saying I'm wrong is like ... Well... Saying I'm wrong. But I am.

I signed up for women's studies expecting a few things:
1- to understand my sisters interpretation of the world as an active feminist
2- to get my humanities credits
3- and to receive what I thought would be an easy A.
 I felt going into this class I already had a good handle on my feminist ways. Of course I believe in women's rights. I always taught my kids to use the word vagina. And I totally would have voted for Hillary Clinton. Now if you're a feminist don't worry... I'm not still this ignorant. 

The first few weeks of class made me crazy. I wanted to punch so many women in the face for acting so victimy. I'm sorry your childhood sucked and yeah...men can be real dicks, but so are you... Are just a few things that crossed my mind. "Like I'm not a part of a few statistics but you don't hear me whining like a little vagina do you?" (This thought actually went thru my judgy little head)  I'd leave class so angry that I paid money to sit thru this class for an entire term. 

The moment it changed for me it really changed my life. Around week 5 I just decided to go into class and accept everything I heard. I would Listen for the lesson. And guess what the hell happened ???  I got slapped in the face with a big fat lesson. And they were all lessons I was a preacher of in real life.
1-Here I was judging and victimizing myself to people who were being judgy and victimy. Ummmmm helloooooo Stephie Juice. You're doing what you were publicly screaming you hated.

2- I constantly preach about supporting each other. How especially as women, moms, sister, wives, ex wives and every other role we owe it to each other to listen and respect each others struggles even if we don't get it because if we won't do it for others, how can we expect people to do it for us.

So for the rest of the quarter I put down my boxing gloves, stepped off my soap box and made a conscious decision to just listen and respect the women in my class. Respect each others journey in hopes we all make it out stronger and better for where we have been.

The learning letters of the quarter were P- for patience. L- for listen.
And S- for shut the hell up Steph, it's not all about you.