How will I ever have fun again?

9 months ago I asked myself and even my husband that very question. I assumed at that point I was only having fun if I was drunk. I didn't call it drunk of course, I called it having a beer and I did it often. I pre partied the pre party to the pre party so that by the time the party started it was a real party. And by the time the party was over ... Well I don't remember that really. 

I got sober because my drunk turned out to not be funny or very much fun to the people around me.

After pouting around the house sober for the entire month of December I decided to give this fun thing a go. I was hell bent on faking it, I decided to use my new eyes with my same heart and find the fun in this new life. Moms, sisters, friends, aunts & people I knew did it every day. People who were "normies" and people who were addicts in recovery shared all their fun sober stories all the time. 

Mostly people didn't call them 

"sober stories"... Just stories. 

That's the thing about recovery - if you pay attention you learn really quick that you aren't special. Well YOU are special, but there's nothing special about your story. As I heard this message over and over, that other people felt like fun was out of the question once sober. I szarted to realize that MY story in fact was not very special, and maybe it was possible to have fun sober stories like all the others.

To mark my 9 months of a life I was so sure I would not have any fun living, I'm sharing with you some of my greatest moments of being dead wrong. I have laughed harder than I knew I could, louder and more obnoxiously than I knew possible, and that smile on my face  Is 100% genuine -100% of the time it's there. I now have the gift of feeling all the feelings. Sometimes that down right sucks, but the good times are better than anything imaginable because all of those feelings are real. 

1-I played in the snow with my kids. We were stuck in our house for 3 days and had serious cabin fever. We all almost killed each other and I felt every feeling in the book those three days. But when I saw the fun my kids had outside in the snow and decided to join them without an excuse to have a warm liquored up drink... I just laughed. I threw snow at them until there was a lot of crying and we had to go in. 

2- I went to my besties 40th birthday. I didn't drink. I gave her a lap dance. Oh it was embarrassing for her but you know what it wasn't???? Me falling all over the place not realizing it was time to stop a long time ago. 

 

3- I went away for my anniversary and melted chocolate all over the bed. Troy and I laughed hysterically and hid from the maids because we were sure they'd think one of us had pooped. So. Much. Laughing. Plus it beats getting drunk and actually pooping the bed. I'm not saying I've done that... I'm just saying that day could have come right?! 

 

4- I went on huge scary rides and laughed so hard I screamed and cried from the rush and excitement. This was a day that I will never ever forget ever. Ever. My stomach hurt from laughing so hard. 

 

5- I went to an entire girls weekend sober. Not only was I sober but these 8 incredible women who I refer to as "normies", went sober with me. It was more important for them to have my company than for me to cancel because I wasn't ready to be around alcohol yet. One of these ladies hadn't even met me yet. All of these ladies, whether I talk to them often or not are all my soul sisters now. They changed my life and my recovery during this weekend. They may never know the impact this experience and that group decision to make it a dry weekend had on me. 

 

6- I'm a party girl. So figuring out what to do on my birthday was going to be difficult. When I saw this run for a little niece of a friend with cancer that involved tu tus I knew it was meant for my crowd. So again with these incredible girlfriends and my husband all getting up early and running a beautiful 5k for a beautiful little girl. And tu tus!!!!!

 

7- I went backpacking and camping for the first time ever alcohol free.  Drum roll please... I really liked it. It was hard work hiking in with all those extra pounds on my back and my super durpy dog who tried to jump off the side of the mountain after every bug and animal in site. At the end of the trail when I'd normally have a cold one or 7, my reward was rest, stepwork and a lot of peaceful amazing conversation with my love in a freaking meadow.  (Which of course included so much laughing.) 

8- I ran a relay! This was my 5th overnight relay and the first where I didn't down a beer or 4 after any of my 3 legs that added up to 17 miles or in between when I needed sleep. Nope folks... This is genuine tired Stephie juice passed out from just plain running. I used this picture to show off my sense of humor these days. I could have picked the ones of me running, laughing and looking bad ass but this is the story of how much fun I'm having. So this seemed more fitting.

 

There were so many more experiences that I had this last 9 months. So much time spent alone, with my love, creating tighter bonds with my kids, nurturing amazing relationships with girlfriends and making new friends. Taking on a new job and many new projects within that job. Taking care of my mind, body & spirit thru stepwork, exercise and creating a relationship and plan with 

an incredible Doctor.

 When it gets hard, and it still does,  I just look back at the distance I've come 

rather than forward to see how much there is to go. 

Here's a short video of more of these moments. Yes that's Kanye West singing in the background. This song has a special dorky place in my heart.  http://flipagram.com/f/GKzp2Sae1K

A wise sole who has been in recovery for several years told me recently

 "It gets easier. And the rewards 

get more magical.

 The challenges are never what you expect. 

But the opportunity to squeeze two life stories

 into one walk on this earth is priceless."  

This is my motto. This is my truth. 

And this is how I am living my best life while having a shit ton of fun!