Freedom, independence and sobriety!

Just another sober holiday upon us in the house. And by us I mean me. I'm just a blink away from 8 months sober and dam proud of it. Still I can't help but think at every holiday during this last 8 months how it's the first I've spent sober in years.

4th of July is no different. I remember as far back as age 19 being obliterated at a party with keg stands and loud music on this holiday. I didn't live in canada so it wasn't really legal. But it was the beginning of the end for me. I was a hard nosed baby teenage girl on a mission to rebel. I was also pregnant with my first baby a month later. I should have seen that as a sign to slowwwww down. And I did for 9 months. But then I just got better at being a more "mature" and responsible drinker. 

Independence Day for me this year is about more than Red, white & blue costumes, Budweiser and 3 day weekends. Independence Day for me this year is about my independence from my addiction. It's being able to see that the life I lived was in fact...a life all it's own. Yeah, I managed a full time job, many friendships, mommy time and made a lot of great choices. But doing that while being a super secretive addict took a lot of ridiculous work and effort. I kept it up for a long time until I couldn't. And then when I couldn't I had to learn how to love one single sober life. It had to be full of all the goodness I believe in, doing great amazing things, falling on my face, facing challenges and sometimes even making the wrong choice. I had to learn how to do it all sober. My crutch could no longer be a bottle of wine at 10pm, it had to be me and my intention and doing the next right thing. 

I'm 7 months and 29 days into it. It's still not always easy but it's different. It's safe, clean, at times overwhelming but always about the next right thing. The shame and guilt have lifted. I'm working a strong program that is teaching me how to live, love and laugh. 

I rocked thanksgiving, crawled through Christmas, was drug by my family and a great friend through New Years, slept through Presidents' Day (I'm an addict. I drank for everything), had a date for my anniversary, attended friends birthdays, celebrated someone else's life on my birthday & today I shout from the rooftops and declare this life my very own on Independence Day. It is not a perfect life, but it is my life. It is my next right thing. 

I write this because I want to include the world in doing the next right thing. I want to give you hope that no matter what is eating you inside, whatever it is you are aching to change can be changed. Feelings, addiction, heart ache, divorce, life changes or friendships ending even the anxiety of an interaction today with your kids you aren't proud of. You deserve to gain your independence from that experience. Some things will take more work than others. That more work may take a few holidays of firsts without the same details but it can be yours if you want it. Give yourself permission to move forward, do the next right thing and do it with love! 

And by all means... Have yourself a safe, fun day of celebrating freedom!!!!